1.15.2008

A No. 3 Enchilada Combo With A Side Of Drag Queen, Please


October 1994

I am asked to make my first trip south to consult on a Mexican restaurant in Charleston, South Carolina that has 3 months to make it or break it before the owner chains the doors. (BTW. I hate when people do this. No class. If you want to close your business, just call everyone on your employee list, tell them you've decided to close, and how/where they can pick up their last check and an excellent reference letter. Is it that hard to be decent to people who just lost their jobs, for god's sake?)

I phone the General Manager to introduce myself. Heavy southern accent on the other side of the phone. My friends in the North East are teasing me that I am going to work for a bona fide redneck. I'm a little worried, but I'm sure it will be fine. Right? Ok. Actually, I'm a little concerned.

The 12 hour drive was pleasant enough. Except for when I stopped for gas, just south of the North Carolina border. I really need gas for the second time that day. Practically on empty. Should have really stopped somewhere around Wilmington, NC when I still had a bit. Now I'm on fumes.

I pull into the first mini mart that I see. Two guys, wearing bib overalls and John Deere tractor caps are leaning against the building, near the entrance. One even has a long piece of straw sticking out of his mouth. No shit. An image of Deliverance flashes thru my mind. One quick look at the gas pumps. Damn it. They aren't automatic. I have to go inside first to pay. Passed those guys.....what to do...what to do...Get back in my car and get the hell out of there and PRAY there is another gas station nearby. Luckily there is.

Finally arriving at the restaurant a few hours later, I pull into the parking lot to be confronted by an enormous black pick up truck on enormous tires with a Confederate flag and a gun rack on the back. Oh shit.

Breathe. Breathe. We are going in!

Upon entering, I find the typical americanized Mexican restaurant, with colorful walls, serapes, margarita glasses, and a life size metal sculpture of a fierce looking bull. The hostess approaches me at the front desk. She is young, blond, has her hair in braided pigtails, with a farmer's hat and bib overalls on. Straw sticking out between her teeth. I mean tooth. Again!!!??? I'm about to freak the hell out.

Then the beautiful princess Jasmine walks by. You know. From Aladdin. Wait. Did I just see what I thought I saw? WTF?

Then Wonder Woman. W O N D E R W O M A N!!! I used to love her. And her bullet proof bracelets, lasso, and invisible plane.

OK. THAT'S IT. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!!! SOMEONE TELL ME QUICK BEFORE I GET BACK IN MY JEEP AND LEAVE YOU FREAKS TO FLOUNDER FOR YOURSELVES!

Turns out, South Carolina is celebrating Halloween 2 days early, so that they can celebrate it on a weekend which is more profitable for the restaurants and clubs; and the kiddies don't have to trick or treat on a school night.

Whew! Ok. Regaining my composure now.

Turns out Princess Jasmine is Rob. THE NICEST PERSON I HAVE EVER MET. EVER.

Wonder Woman is Tony.

Clark Kent/Superman is Amy.

And so on.

APPARENTLY I HAVE JUST INHERITED A RESTAURANT FULL OF DRAG QUEENS AND ONE KING! LOL. OK. THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN!

And it was. Thursday nights in particular. Male servers walk into the men's room at 11pm when the dining room closes. 15 minutes later, my gosh, what a beautiful evening gown you have on. And you made it yourself? The hosiery and shoes are to die for! Some of the staff are performers, stage hands, ticket takers, or just club members at the Arcade, a famous Charleston drag show/bar/dance club. Thursday night is the big performance show each week. Local acts. National acts. And some serious drama off stage as well. Me and the rest of the staff plant ourselves at a table each Thursday, order a couple of pitchers of White Russians (because SC has antiquated liquor laws), sit back and relax watching these guys sing, dance, impersonate, and love every moment of it. And the money drop from the ceiling at midnight New Year's Eve? Now there were some Lee Press on Nails and wigs flying that night.

Overall a WONDERFUL time in South Carolina. The nicest people I have ever met. We even did a great turn around on the restaurant, thanks to the staff. Increase in sales. Increase in profit. Lower costs. Happier guests. Happier staff. (Poor management had been the issue that dragged the restaurant down to this point.)

Unfortunately, the owner got impatient and found a buyer for the property the restaurant was sitting on, prior to the 3 month deadline. A few days after my 3 month gig was up and I had left to drive back home, he chained the doors.

@%^&*(!

I felt sick about the whole thing really.

The restaurant was closed. Most of the managers were laid off. The staff was looking for work elsewhere. The kitchen and dining room were emptied of all equipment...........And then.......... the buyer backed out.

KARMA. (GOTCHA!)

A month later, I received a sort of apology and a regrettable conversation about how they shouldn't have closed the business. Seems a bit too late for that.

6 months later, I went back to visit and track down the staff. People I had considered friends. They were scattered everywhere. Some to better restaurants. Some to similar or worst places. Some to other careers. Some to the wind.

A moment in time. A lifetime of memories.

1.10.2008

Pass Me The Mustard, Honey!


Our interview process seems pretty simple to us, complicated to the applicants. We do it the way we do, so we can easily weed out the liars, creeps, and those that over state their abilities.

You have to complete an application, online or in person. You have to submit a resume. You have to complete two interviews. If you are applying for a management or asst or sous chef or chef position, you need to submit a well written statement about your ideas and thoughts on our cuisine/concept/philosophy, so we can see if you're on the same vibe as us, in other words, do you "get it"? You also have to submit a sample menu that ties into the statement you just wrote. These can be submitted with your resume.
Once you have completed the interviews and we have called your references and found out which ones are your cousin, your best friend, somebody who was never your boss in the first place, we'll call you back and tell you that since couldn't provide professional references, or whatever, your application will be filed in the circular bin. If you've actually completed all this properly, you get to do a chef demonstration, 1 hour to prep and cook 3-5 items (just individual items, not entire entrees if you don't want) that demonstrate your understanding of our cuisine and showcase your culinary talents.

So yesterday, we were interviewing a Sous Chef candidate, who had been hounding us for an interview for the past 3 weeks. I had already called his references prior to the interview, so I knew this would be interesting.....okay, so walk me thru your resume....

"I was Kitchen Manager at so and so place, and I brought food and labor cost down to 20%. I elevated the restaurant from casual cafe to a fine dining establishment."
Isn't this the restaurant behind the Target and movie theatre??? Didn't know you could find fine dining in a Lowe's Home Improvement parking lot, but ok. Regarding your statement about financials, which was it, the food or the labor cost down to 20%?
"It was both, combined."
Well those two costs aren't related to each other.
"I might have my numbers wrong."
Were you actually responsible for tracking your food and labor costs, running results each month, posting journal entries to your Profit and Loss and answering for them to the owner?
"I didn't do that. The owner did it."
So what did you do that had to do with your claim that you ran food and labor cost at 20%?
"I ran the shift."
Next question. I see on your sample menu you provided us that you listed Russian Borscht. Will you be able to prepare that during your chef demonstration?
"Um, I've never made that before. I just thought it sounds good."
Alright, next on your sample menu, you listed a chicken frittes. Do you know how to make this?
"Sure."
So if I take you in the kitchen right now, give you a cutting board, knife, whole chicken and ask you to debone it entirely without breaking it down from the whole state, will you be able to do that?
"I'm a fast learner."
Okay, next on your sample menu, you listed a salmon entree salad with cherry walnut vinaigrette. Will you be able to make this as part of your demonstration?
"Oh, absolutely."
So, if I give you a cutting board, knife, whole salmon, bowl, whisk, vegetables and lettuce, you'll be able to demonstrate a 6 oz portion of this if we go in the kitchen right now?
"I'm not sure about cutting the salmon, but if you have some cut, I can do it."
And you're going to make the cherry walnut vinaigrette if I give you the ingredients?
"Don't you have some already made?"
Yes, we do, but you can't use ours. You have to demonstrate it yourself.
"Well, I know how to make honey mustard."
So does my wait staff.
Next!

1.05.2008

Catching A Buzz



Change of Plans

Well, the meeting with the developer went well, and he offered us the prime location in his new European village style market....problem is....he gave me the creeps.
He took my chef and I to his home, then out to lunch, asked us questions regarding what we thought of his site, then spoke over us as soon as we started speaking about us or our concept. Weird. Plus, he had grandiose ideas about a bistro. Wanted a private dining room. Bistros shouldn't have private dining rooms. They are about community. Wanted a power breakfast on the menu. In a bistro??? Bistros offer light, fresh breakfast foods, like crepes and poached eggs, not heavy weighed down greasy Waffle House scrambled eggs, ham, bacon, sausage and the like. At least ours doesn't anyway. Wanted an expensive interior design, heavy on architecture, which his masonry construction company would build out for us. Um, no. Light, airy, sans curtains, please.

So we're onto another design, writing another business plan, looking for another investor. I have a feeling we'll be doing a lot of this over and over again in the next year or so.

Updated May 2008:

The new concept is a smaller breakfast driven French Cafe. Warm maple pecan french toast, crepes suzettes, blueberry blintzes, raspberry white chocolate bread pudding, roasted pepper spinach & goat cheese omelets, warm apple struedel, fresh from the oven double chocolate brownies, salads, sandwiches, soups, and lots of java..the menu is currently a work in progress. But it will still feature organic poultry & produce, as well as bovine growth hormone free dairy products....gee, healthy doesn't always sound so tempting, does it? Either way, a much simpler concept, easy design, we can do it in 2500 sq feet. And I've possibly found the money ....mwhahahahahaaa. Now to apply for business grants (cuz who can't use more money) and find a new location...